The Last Jedi

He has everything, he thinks. He's gotten himself a room upstairs so he won't be disturbed, and told Padme that he would be gone for a while.

The crystal solution sits in a bowl on the floor in front of him. He sits and gets comfortable. This could take a while.

The last thing he thinks before he clears his mind to enter the Force-trance needed to grow the crystal is of Leia's face as she left. Then he shoves the image aside. He has work to do now. He can worry about his bitter, broken little girl later.

(OOC: Mun has a paper due Wed. Until then, Anakin is in a Force-trance and will be missing from the bar.)

Personal Notes of Anakin Skywalker, in preparation for the constuction of a Holocron:

There is emotion, but when he must, a Jedi places it aside in favor of peace.
There is ignorance, but a Jedi strives always for knowledge.
There is passion, but when he acts, a Jedi acts with serenity.
There is chaos, but a Jedi works for harmony.
There is death, but it is only a gateway to the Force.



A Master must always remember that what seems obvious to him is not so to his Padawan. A Master has learned what he knows from experience, which the Padawan lacks. Anything told to the Padawan is knowledge, but it does not become wisdom until the Padawan knows it to be true for himself.


Emotion and attachment are not the enemy of the Jedi. Tempered with the wisdom to know when duty is more important than personal feeling, they are in fact a part of the Light Side. It is only when a Jedi chooses to selfishly adhere to his emotions and his attachments beyond all other things that they become a path to the Dark. In cases where duty and attachment are directly at odds, first a compromise must be strived for, but if that is not possible, then duty should be placed first. Once it is discharged, however, the Jedi can choose to focus his attention on the attachment.


It should always be remembered that even in Darkest soul there may be Light, and even in the Lightest heart a tendril of the Dark Side lurks. The only way to combat this is through awareness. Every action has consequences, and even things undertaken by the Jedi could lead to Darkness. Be aware of all that occurs, and be wary. The path from one Side to another is full of small steps that lead up to large decisions.

The problem with Holocrons, he had decided, was the crystals. They were the heart of the whole endeavor, and were impossible to synthesize. Even lightsabre crystals could be artificially made, in one was in a hurry. It involved using the Force to ensure the lattices were correct...

He smiled. He knew exactly how to do this now. It would take a few days, and would require absolute concentration, but he didn't think it would be *hard*.

1. What's the true nature of evil?
2. Is it a giant, or is it a windmill, or is it something else entirely?
3. What's the original sin?
4. What's the secret in the spirit room?
5. Would you do it again?

(questions from fire_and_a_rose)

1. Thinking nothing of the pain of others in favor of your own selfish ends.
2. What's a windmill?
3. Selfishness.
4. If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret.
5. I...don't know.

When he sleeps, finally, he is surrounded by faces and voices. Val, calling him Daddy as she skips off to kill a man. Peter in Jedi robes, holding his crystal case, surrounded by murderous red-heads led by a sad-eyed man who cannot forgive and cannot forget. Ron, looking as hideous as Palpatine had at the end, cackling madly. Andrew, pleading for his help, his voice too indistinct to be understood. Meg, smiling and smiling, her eyes blank as 'droid's. And finally Luke, who simply looks at him with disappointment in his eyes and walks away.

He whimpers in his sleep, curled up tightly in the blankets. Something is coming, but he cannot tell what, and he is tormented by his dreams.

He's spent the day trying not to panic. He knows he's not ready to face what he fears still lurks in Delirium's realm for him, but at the same time, Val had gone there alone, because he couldn't manage to go with her. The shame burns, but he knows it's no one's fault but his own, so he is much calmer than he could be.

He just hopes he has not lost Val.

Anakin sits in his room, perched on the edge of the bed. He feels a little silly, talking to thin air, but at the same time, he knows Obi-Wan can hear him. Obi-Wan is one with the Force, and the Force is with him, so...

"I'm sorry." The words hang in the air for a minute. "I know Yoda said sorry wasn't enough, but I had to start with that, because it's true. I'm sorry I was such a bad Padawan. I'm sorry I was so angry with you. I'm sorry I never knew how much you loved me. I'm sorry I- I killed you." He swallows, fighting back the rising tears.

"I'm not sorry for loving Padme, though." This is said with just the slightest edge of fierceness.

"I am sorry for forcing all of you into hiding. I'm sorry I never knew the twins. And I'm sorry I stopped knowing you. I missed you, Obi-Wan. Really, I did. I tried not to admit it, because I wanted to be angry with you, but I did miss you. I missed Padme, too."

Once again, he finds himself crying. The room doesn't change, but he thinks he feels just the slightest bit of comfort from somewhere.

"I came back for Luke, though. He believed in me, like you did, all those years ago. And he was right. I didn't think it was possible, but he was right." He smiles through the tears at the thought of his good boy, insisting he had to save him.

"And now I talk to him. He wants me to train him, Obi-Wan. He *trusts* me to train him. How could you do it? How could you take on a Padawan, knowing you had to teach them everything? Knowing that one wrong word or wrong action could cause so much harm?"

"He scares me, just a little. They all scare me. Val, Luke, Peter...they look up to me. I don't know why. How could they? They know what I was, and they still call me Daddy, Father, Teacher. I'm so afraid of doing it wrong, Obi-Wan."

"I don't deserve them, either. I don't deserve any of this. I caused so much pain, and yet I have friends and children and students. I thought I lost my only chance at those when I fell. I keep thinking none of this is real, that I'll wake up trapped in my armor again, unable to escape."

"I'm afraid, Obi-Wan. I'm afraid of falling again. I don't want to. I feel like a Jedi again. Peter says I never stopped being one, but I hadn't felt it, not until I saw Yoda. He smiled at me, you know. He smiled at me, and told me to fix myself. He didn't curse me, or hate me, just scolded me like I was a Padawan again."

"I wish you were here. I want to talk to you. I want to sit with you and talk about Luke, and Leia, and have it be like old times again. I know I can't, I know I don't deserve it, but how I wish...."

The shadows don't answer him, but from somewhere deep in the Force comes a ripple of approval. And then it is gone, leaving Anakin to sit, watching the wounds deep in his heart heal.

I remember Ben and Yoda. And I remember looking at him, my son, my boy, my good boy, the one who saved me, as he danced with his friends. I remember seeing him greeting his sister, and being surprised I had not guessed she was Padme's child. She kissed the smuggler, and I was not disturbed, for I had gathered he loved her, for all that he was a smuggler.

And then I remember nothing. I thought I had been taken into the Force for the last time, but it was not to be. The will of the Force is unknowable, and so here I am. I have my body again, and my robes, and my lightsaber, so clearly I am viewed to be a Jedi again. By where am I, and what does the Force want of me?